#Day 9

Dealing with damage and Letting Go

You can’t do everything, so please, don’t…
As I shared earlier on about my acne, and even through my own experience with constant disappointment, confronting the truth has always been hard. I will try and try again until I can fix it, then when I fail, I’ll end up giving up entirely because I feel like there is nothing more I can do. Letting go has really helped me deal with this.
Finding the balance between DIYs and using what is already available for instance. If you’re looked at my photographs, you’ve probably noticed that I’m kind of infatuated with my nails. If it wasn’t obvious, now it is. I’ll be honest, I love the way they look, and especially because I don’t do anything to them but let them grow. A couple of years back however, they just weren’t forming right.
They would get translucent, break off easily and were always chipping. So as usual I tried everything, nail hardener, hand lotion, I even tried clear nail polish because they just weren’t looking right. I was frustrated. All of a sudden something that was naturally thriving just wasn’t. My fingers as well have always been long and slender, good for playing the piano my mum always said. When puberty hit however, I had to deal with fat sausage fingers. I promise you, I was scared to even look at them. For all I knew, those weren’t my fingers or nails, and I was on a quest to get them back.
As usual I failed, realizing that if anything, my attempts were only making me more conscious. So I pocketed them more and kept them short so that I didn’t have to deal with them. It’s now that I realize the pattern though, because when I let go of the constant thinking and fussing, I allowed them to get over this phase and bloom.
On the sidelines, I picked up a real love for water however. It was mostly started by the fact that I would wake up in the middle of the night dehydrated, but nonetheless, I was taking it. I drank it during and after my workouts, before and after meals, at the start and end of vocal practice, during and after working on my writing, in the morning and at night. I was taking it so often and in large quantities that with time, it became routine to fill up my water bottle and keep it by my side at all times.
So am I trying to say that water made my hair grow longer?
Probably, but more so, I let go. At first I became conscious of them and would constantly look at them try to find ways to change them but they never did. That’s the thing about change however. When you’re looking at your problem from your eyes constantly, even though there was a shift, you would be too blinded by the negativity to notice.
When I stopped thinking about it, I stopped noticing them, which meant that I stopped interfering. More so, the more I listened to my body and what it needed, is the more they thrived. In the end therefore, and years later, I will bite them off, break them off as I work or just keep cutting them off because they’re such a hustle to play guitar with. The point is however that they have thrived from me letting go and letting them be.
Your face, nails, hair and skin will do the same if you let go.
Don’t handle hair when you’re stressed out, no matter how much you hate having someone else handle it, just sit back for once and let someone else do it. Treat yourself once in a while to a full pampering and get that facial or pedicure and manicure and let the other person deal with figuring out what to do. Relax and let go.
Let go of that very long hair that everyone complements but can’t see the split ends and heat damage. Let go of those products that leave your face irritated but promise a fairer and lighter complexion. Let go of those weak translucent nails and give them a chance to grow back longer and healthier.
It will probably take forever, yes, but it will be better than hanging on to something that is barely surviving. When I decided to take my three year old locs loose, I promise you, I cried…haha. It was heart wrenching, but liberating. They had grown so thin and weak and would break off at the ends every time I washed them. I wasn’t happy about what I saw in the mirror and I took the plunge.
The pain was even harder when I had shave all my hair off because the hair kept shedding and breaking and wouldn’t stop. To add insult to injury actually, I even had to go bald because my skin had even gotten a fungal infection without me knowing. I hated how I looked and felt and as usual was very self-conscious, but after doing it twice now, I decided that it was time to embrace the cleanse and just let go.
I no longer ignored the stares and whispers, I confronted them and embraced them. I wore my inner shame proudly until it no longer had power over me. That’s when I realized just how important it is to just let it be. If it’s bad, fix it, and if you can’t fix it, just let it go. It will come back stronger and better than before, and even though it doesn’t, you’re ok with that reality because it doesn’t define you.
You are more than your hair, nails, face and skin. It’s time you begin to not just hear those words, but live them and practice them.


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